six degrees of seperation time
my grandmother had a colleague who’s niece was taylor swift
yup
One of my college…
My mom punched Ted Kennedy in the face, was Alan Simpson’s personal assistant, and was close enough to Dick Cheney to call him ”Uncle Dick” back when she worked in DC.
Just the other day when we were on a plane my mom was sitting next to the head photographer of the Denver Broncos and they got chatting; we ended up getting invited to their training camp as VIPs. Not sure if this counts, but we got to meet Peyton Manning.
My mom is pretty much a badass.
(Source: appingo, via amazonpoodle)
At New York ‘s Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to
be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a
calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The
FBI is charging him with carrying weapons of math instruction. “Al-gebra is
a fearsome cult,” Gonzalez said. “They desire average solutions
by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of
absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to
themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘there are 3 sides to
every triangle’.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us
more fingers and toes”.
HOLY SHIT, it was so freaking scary. I’m still shaking. Holy shit.
Okay so I was just walking down the street to my neighbors’ house because I walk their dogs because they work late and they don’t want their dogs to be alone for too long. They live in this cul-de-sac and as soon as I got kind of close to where the sidewalk bends to go around in a circle I saw these two dogs sniffing around this bush right where the bend started. At first I though they were somebody’s dogs outside with an invisible fence, but when I got closer I realized they weren’t wearing collars and froze. There was a sheepdog that was about up to my waist and a bigger gray dog that looked like a wolf. The sheepdog saw me and started growling, and then the wolf-like dog saw me and just fucking CHARGED me and the sheepdog just followed. The wolf-like dog lunged and I guess instinct kicked in because I started screaming. I’ve never screamed out of instinct before; I hate being scared, it makes me really shaky and nauseous and I start crying later, which I’m kind of starting to do now. The screaming startled the dog so much that it stopped, but then it started to circle me along with the sheepdog, and both were growling.
I started backing up and accidentally met the wolf-dog’s eyes and it lunged again and I screamed louder and jerked my leg like I was going to kick it and backed up even further. After a certain point they just left me alone and watched me back up further up the street. As soon as I got far enough away I turned and fuckingbooked itback to my house.
My mom drove down there later to figure out where the hell those dogs came from, because I live in the middle of suburbia and even though we’ve gotten foxes in the neighborhood we’ve never had coyotes or wild dogs before. The two dogs belong to these people who deal drugs and lock the dogs up so much that they became feral. One of the guys who lives there who my mother thinks was high decided it would be a good idea to let the dogs out of the house without collars or leashes or supervision.
Now I’m pissed because those dogs were probably just as terrified of me as I was of them, and I’m shaking and I feel like I might puke. God, I hate my neighbors sometimes.
So, I just got this email… Preeeetty sure that my mother birthed me, but, y’know, in this day and age…
Someone stored Tables of Planetary Phenomena: Second Edition in our silverware drawer.
How does that even happen.
#imsakids
