- Meet the blonde life model decoy of Jeremy Renner, who apparently lives in my neighborhood and likes to run shirtless
- Hold a two-minute prayer service for a dead bird I found in the middle of the sidewalk
- Awkwardly watch the man walking behind me because I’ve never seen him around the neighborhood and I am ridiculously paranoid
- Save a little girl who is roller-blading from faceplanting
- Hold another two-minute prayer service for another dead bird I found next to a tree
- Start panicking because the guy behind me is still following me after like two more blocks
- Someone dumped a box of dog treats in the middle of the sidewalk HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN the dogs were happy though
- Hear the ice cream man and wish for ice cream because it is fecking hot outside
- Alleged stalker man also hears the ice cream man and also wishes for ice cream; crosses the street and goes the other way in search of cold refreshment
- Get back to the neighbors’ house to find my neighbor mysteriously absent, considering I was supposed to get paid today
- I want my money dammit
- Oh and all this happened in like a one hour span
- I live in a weird neighborhood
